What an opportunity! There have been many physical, as well as emotional, ups and downs; but, when it simmers down and all that is left is the essence, freedom, and its overwhelming sense of intoxication, has blessed me in many ways. In my imagining of where I am in life, I struggle picturing myself working behind a desk somewhere inside. I have been granted this unique experience to walk freely, day after day; even when my feet hurt and I find myself mentally escaping to a place of comfort as I tick off the remaining miles for the day. I entered into this experience with but a few desires to gain as a result of my time on the trail.
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| Freedom! |
The birthday challenge - walking at least 28 miles on my birthday - was one such desire. Another was to spend time outdoors. I've accomplished both of those, and through mental refraction realize the peripheral nature of these desires. What more could I possibly desire out of this experience that would deepen my understanding of myself, and my interaction with the world around me? Simply put, peace.
I feel I've become more peaceful in this world as I've aged, and that has ebbed to be consistent with what this AT experience has brought. I've witnessed, whether in the moment or through reflection, a departure from peacefulness in some of my actions. The peacefulness I speak of is an internal one. As humans, we harbor the ability to display a surface emotion of OK, when perhaps deeper within us we are in fiery turmoil: torn between what we feel and what we think in the moment. This inner furnace, boils and confounds my sense of balance and peace. I wish to attribute this to uncontrollable and random external factors in the immediate world around me, but, I come to realize, through time and space, that I am the one to be ultimately responsible for my actions. And thus, my reactions, too.
Say for example, while walking down the trail, enjoying the melodic songs of birds as puffy clouds pass overhead I trip and falter; striking my foot against an immovable rock. My first reaction may be one in pain, followed by some utterance of a profane nature. This is usually followed immediately by disgruntlement at something or someone else besides me for the misfortune. My Ego would like to quickly fabricate blame onto someone or something else as to save pride, but I've been down this road far too often. While catching myself in the chain reaction of blaming outside of myself, I clamp my thoughts and close my mouth, daring not to cast out blame on anyone but myself for the mistake and my hurting toe. This is a moment, repeated over and over again, over countless days, where I have appreciated being outside and alone with my thoughts and actions as I travel the distances. When I fault, react, then re-synthesize and relearn, I choose no one to blame but myself.
I smile often upon this played-out situation. The peacefulness that results from these daily maladies are numerous. Sometimes, however, I do not smile easily, and I must willingly concentrate my disposition to contrast my given mood. Eventually rediscovering my displaced sense of inner peacefulness through guided mantras of love and peace. This usually starts with a look outside myself; outside my selfish, shallow emotional reactions in the moment. When I turn-out from myself and tune-in to the natural world around me, I discover beauty, and contrast begins to seep in like a refreshing wave of water. I no longer perceive the selfish disruptions of my Ego, for, I am spiraling outside myself and into the beauty around me - even if that is as simple as the sunshine overhead, or a uniquely shaped rock along the path. In days of rain and storm, I feel a sense of peacefulness and beauty as well.
When I turn-out from myself and tune-in to the natural world around me, I discover beauty, and contrast begins to seep in like a refreshing wave of water.
I imagine the rain to be a spiritual connection to the world. After the rain water, our life source, graces me with its presence on my body, it cycles and eventually evaporates and once again in cloud form moves somewhere else in this country to blanket others in the blessing of its exchange between sky and earth. What a beautiful notion of inter-connectedness! Indeed, I am not alone, as I perceived, but am surrounded by light and love flowing abundantly all around me - waiting to be discovered when I am not so selfishly engaged in myself.
If this blog post seems to be less matter-of-factly, and more abstract then I appreciate that I can share a different side of what this experience has been for me. The peacefulness that lay within my heart - our true source of Love - has grown greatly as the miles have begun to accumulate and pass beneath my feet. Sitting half way between Maine and Georgia I am excited for the challenge and growth ahead! A liitle less than 100 miles to the northern border of Virginia, and then exactly 1,000 miles remains; a fourth of which (roughly 546) are in Virginia alone.
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| the half gallon challenge! (truly 3+ pints of ice cream) at the half way point in Pine Grove Furnace State Park |
Thank you life for such a wonderful experience! For a chance to fault and fall. To then rise up again to find the beauty brimming all around me in many various forms. Growing and learning through the exponential curve of life, love, and happiness.
Good days here and ahead to you all,
Alan
As of June 14th:
Shower total: 16
Laundry total: 10
Total miles to date: 1088.6
Total miles remaining: 1095.6
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